i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
