My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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