Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
These tits shall not be calmed
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
