Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
