Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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