My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
