unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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