Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize