can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
