I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
