I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
