so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
