is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
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