My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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