I'm going to jail i love you
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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