we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
