Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
