bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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