Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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