I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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