dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
