we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Fuck appropriateness.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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