I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
