You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm sobbing to NWA
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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