I'm eating all of the evidence.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
