that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
