his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
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He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
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He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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