Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
