She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
