You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
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There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
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How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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