i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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