Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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