Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
