I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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