You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
