Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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