Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
