either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
