What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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