I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
