No awkward lesbian experiences without me
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
