Do you still have your period?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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