I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
