I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
