I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
