I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
