Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
