I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
