u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
