ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
