she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
