Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
