It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
