How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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