tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Randomize
