Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
