Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
