i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
