That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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