I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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