I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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