I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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