we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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