i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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