I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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