yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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