i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
