i jhust puked up my retainher.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize