alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
