i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you didnt know i had herpes?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
